"Is It About Her—or Him? A Thoughtful Message to Mothers-in-Law"

Dear Mothers-in-Law,

I deeply understand your desire to see your son marry a kind, respectful, and home-trained woman. From the moment you held your son in your arms, you made a silent promise to guide, nurture, and protect him. But as he grows, so does his independence—and one day, he brings someone special into his life: his chosen partner.

For you, this moment is bittersweet. The joy of seeing your son step into a new chapter often mingles with worry about whether his partner will complement him, share his values, and bring harmony to his life. These feelings are valid, but how you approach this phase can either strengthen your family or sow seeds of discord.S

Surface Tests Are Unreliable

One common scenario is the expectation that a lady visiting your home for the first time should eagerly jump into household chores to prove her worth. While this may seem like a way to gauge her character, it’s essential to recognize that such actions can easily be feigned. A single act of sweeping, cooking, or tidying up does not provide sufficient insight into someone’s values, temperament, or suitability as a life partner. 

Consider this analogy—if someone asked you to prove your worth as a mother in one day, would that truly reflect the love, care, and sacrifices you’ve made over the years?

The Bigger Question: Do You Trust Your Son?

Here’s the heart of the matter: Do you trust your son’s judgment?

You raised him with love, taught him values, and watched him grow. If you believe in the foundation you’ve laid, then trust that he knows the kind of partner he needs. He has his own vision of the kind of helpmate who complements his journey. The Bible itself says, “He who finds a wife…”—emphasizing that it is his decision to make, with God’s guidance.

Your role, as a mother, is to advise and pray for him—not to impose your preferences or enforce decisions. If you notice red flags or concerning traits, by all means, discuss them with your son privately and respectfully. Beyond that, place your concerns in prayer and allow God to work. 

Setting the Right Example



It’s also worth considering the impression you’re making on the young woman. Hosting a guest, especially for the first time, should reflect hospitality, respect, and warmth. Expecting her to step into a kitchen or perform household chores during her first visit can come across as dishonoring and may even create an awkward atmosphere. Remember, your home reflects your family’s values and order.

Evaluating a Good Wife
Being a wife is more than managing household duties; it is a ministry and a partnership. Instead of focusing solely on physical tasks, consider these approaches to understanding her character:

Engage in Meaningful Conversations: Ask her about her views on marriage, family, and life. Her responses will reveal her values and mindset.

Observe Over Time: After several visits, natural interactions will give you a clearer sense of her personality and by then, she can get involved in the household activities.

Communicate with Your Son: Understand what attracted him to her and the qualities he admires.

Pray Without Ceasing: Before and after he finds a partner, pray for God’s guidance in his choice.

A Mother's Legacy

The transition from being the central figure in your son’s life to sharing that space with someone else can be challenging. But remember, love is not a competition—it’s a gift that grows when shared.

By embracing your son’s partner with love and respect, you’re not losing him; you’re gaining a new family member who can enrich your life in ways you never imagined.

The choice is yours: Will you build bridges or walls?

Sincerely, 

Emmanuella Ulamba

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