The Secret to Lasting Love: Intimacy Over Chores

 

When you first got married, love overflowed in every action. You looked into your spouse’s eyes and felt butterflies. Cooking for them was an act of joy, and you went out of your way to make sure they felt cherished. You didn’t just prepare a meal; you crafted an experience—seasoned with love and topped with care. But now? Years later, the romance feels more like a routine, and the spark seems distant.

It’s not uncommon for many couples to feel this way. The busyness of life—work deadlines, raising children, and countless responsibilities—seems to replace the passion that once burned brightly. .

Love Is More Than Just a Checklist

Imagine this: A husband provides for his family, pays the bills, and ensures everyone is safe and comfortable. A wife cooks, cleans, and tends to the children. From the outside, it looks like the perfect setup. But inside, something crucial is missing.

They’ve mastered the doing—fulfilling roles and responsibilities—but forgotten the being. The shared laughs, long conversations, and heartfelt moments have been replaced by an efficient routine. Love has turned into responsibility, and the relationship begins to feel hollow.

The Bible speaks about this in Revelation 2:4, where God says, "You have forsaken the love you had at first." This applies not only to our spiritual lives but also to our marriages. First love isn’t something to be remembered with nostalgia; it’s something to be fought for daily.

How Love Fades Over Time

Think about how newlyweds treat each other. There’s eagerness to connect. Time is intentionally carved out for deep conversations, small surprises, and shared dreams. Fast forward 10 years, and you might find the same couple exchanging quick nods as they pass each other in the kitchen, preoccupied with chores, work, and responsibilities. 

Here’s the truth: what starts as an act of love can turn into a routine of obligation if care isn’t taken. 

Here’s another truth many ignore: Love doesn’t die naturally—it’s suffocated by neglect. When you stop prioritizing your relationship, when you let exhaustion or routine take over, love begins to fade. And yet, love doesn’t have to be a casualty of time.

Marriage Requires Intentionality

Love is not a feeling that sustains itself. It’s a choice—a deliberate decision to nurture what you started. It requires effort to keep the fire burning and the relationship alive.

Some might argue, “You’ve already been won over. You’ve been pursued and gotten. Why do more work?” But this mindset is dangerous. Marriage is work, and the greatest work is keeping love alive. This includes:

  • Rediscovering Each Other: Set aside intentional time to talk, laugh, and reconnect—without distractions.
  • Showing Gratitude: Compliment each other daily. Appreciate the small things your spouse does.
  • Being Present: Don’t let work or technology steal your time together.
  • Vulnerability: Share your feelings, struggles, and dreams with your spouse.
  • Worship Together: Just as worshiping God strengthens our faith, praying or worshiping with your spouse strengthens your marriage.

Rekindle the Flame

The love you show in the beginning is the same love you must nurture over time. Whether in marriage, friendships, or your walk with God, love requires consistent effort to stay alive.

So, take a moment today to reflect:

Are you still excited about spending time with your spouse?

If you feel like love has turned into a checklist in your marriage, it’s not too late to reignite the fire. Reflect on what made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place. Rediscover their unique qualities and what brings you both joy. And above all, invite God into your marriage.

Remember, love is not a task to accomplish but a relationship to nurture. What steps will you take today to rekindle the first love in your marriage?

What are some ways you and your spouse keep your love alive? Let’s share ideas in the comments to inspire each other!


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